Hell On Earth > Insanities > Drunks In Con Air

Drunks in Hollywood: Con Air

Con Air logo (5k)Hollywood lore has it that after working with Jerry Bruckheimer, many actors had to check into rehab. Apparently, working with the bony producer takes its toll even on the most resolute minds. To forget the lousy scripts and stale dialogue, many participants in Bruckheimer's movies turn to the bottle.

Seeing such meager acting efforts on the big screen, even from big-name stars, the viewer inevitably ends up asking whether everybody was drunk on camera, too. A valid question. To solve it, we went straight to the source: the actors themselves.

We asked: "Did you drink alcohol while working on Con Air? Did you ever get drunk on set?"

For the most part, the responses were frank and honest.

colin meaney, drunk (6k)

"Drunk, me? On set? What a ridiculous idea. I'm a professional."

Our first interviewee was Colm Meaney, better known to TV audiences as Miles O'Brien on "Star Trek: The Next Generation" and "Deep Space Nine". Staggering around the room and hitting furniture with his trembling limbs, he denied all allegations. He then proceeded to lament the fact that "Beam me up, O'Brien" didn't sound very good and vomited.

john cusack, drunk (6k)

"Well, I did take a teensy weensy sip before most scenes. I had to, it said so in the script. After I wrote it in."

John Cusack, infamous for his role in the teen comedy "The Sure Thing" and famous for "Grosse Point Blank", was more forthcoming. During the interview, he rocked back and forth on his chair, eventually went to the mini-bar and started downing tequila shots.

ving rhames, drunk (7k)

"Thanks, I'm fine. A bit tired from last night's beer binge with John, but fine."

Ving Rhames, better known as Marsallis Wallace, eventually dozed off in mid-sentence. A shame, really.

john malkovich, drunk (6k)

"Uggnn..." (completely out of it)

John Malkovich, well-known for his psychopathic roles in "Dangerous Laisons" and "In The Line Of Fire," gently rocked back and forth as we repeated the question over and over. When he breathed in our faces, we felt as if washed with disinfectant.

steve buscemi, drunk (6k)

"Well, when a script gives me nothing to do whatsoever, of course I drink. Con Air was the worst ever, though."

Steve Buscemi, well-known for his odd-ball roles in "Desperado" and other movies, has repeatedly worked with Bruckheimer, up to and including "Armageddon". He presently serves a prison sentence to prevent him from ruining his reputation by accepting any more work offers from Bruckheimer.

nicolas cage, drunk (6k)

"Hey... I only signed for the movie because of the free booze clause in my contract."

Nicolas Cage, formerly an Indie icon, now an acting whore. He worked with Bruckheimer before on "The Rock" recently started to descend into the Brian De Palma quality hell. He had just returned from a drinking binge with "his friend Jerry" when we showed up at his door step.

monica potter, drunk (7k)

"The bartender on the set wash good, I musht shay. Great Margaritash and wa... Wallbangers. Wanna go upstairs and have shome fun??"

Actress Monica Potter, who got one of the token female roles in Con Air, began to undress as we spoke and eventually stumbled upstairs, trying to coax us into following with soft cooing sounds. We took the fire exit.

landry allbright, drunk (7k)

"At home, my parentsh never let me touch the booze, but acting'sh great -- I even drank Nick under the table. He ish shuch a wussh."

After responding to our question, little Landry Allbright went back to play "Barbie and Ken are having a spat" with heavy machineguns (souvenirs from Con Air, apparently). She hasn't gotten any acting offers since her Bruckheimer adventure.

Of course, we are well aware that these isolated statements don't really amount to much.

On the other hand, we have heard that all the interviewees pictured above meet every Friday for an Alcoholics Anonymous session. Time and place: Happy Hour (5 p.m.), in Bruckheimer's Beverly Hills home.

>> Read the RabidBunnies' review of Con Air
>> Drunk On The Set: The Cast of The Avengers

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(All images on this page are from the Jerry Bruckheimer production Con Air, © 1997 by Touchstone Pictures, a Disney company. Used for satirical purposes only; no copyright infringement is intended. The images were cropped a bit, but otherwise remain unaltered.) Text & Image Editing © by MOATMAI.

Hell On Earth > Insanities > Drunks In Con Air